I am developing a project, the comedy “Unicorn Sex Party” about a sex-starved divorcee and her foray into swinger’s parties and sex clubs. While in Cannes for the film festival, I thought it would be the perfect time to check out the vibe at the sex clubs – Oh la la! My theory was that the climate might be a bit more misogynistic than the clubs in the states, but then again the French pretty much invented sexy so I was anxious to check it out!
Famous for les club échangiste, I imagined Cannes swingers clubs over-run with starlets and celebrities during the festival. What famous couple would need me to jump-start their lackluster love life? What globe trotting billionaire would step off his or her yacht for a night of pleasure avec moi?
At 10 pm I was the first person to arrive! Awkward. Apparently business is slow during the festival because traffic is bad. The bartender was good looking, but very busy putting out pretzels and chocolates. I went straight for the jacuzzi, enclosed in a fabulously kitschy jungle grotto, avec exotic plastic plants and artificial rocks. Heavy black light completed the vibe, and as I stepped in to soak my aching feet, my Malibu Barbie pedicure glowed luminously pink in the luke warm water. Ahhhh.
The doorbell rang and a second and third man entered the building. I was outnumbered and fear crept over me like a wet blanket. A warning from a French friend back home: Be careful of the men in the clubs. My body tensed as I perched on a fake rock, ready to spring into action.
But they barely looked at me as they dashed around re-jiggering the stereo system. A man looking like Kenny Powers visited me briefly, inquiring in a heavy accent “Are you okay?” I nodded yes and he scurried off.
In the states, my experience in the swinger’s scene with men is that they generally pander to the pleasing of women. Men are reviewed online with comments like “good oral skills” or “excellent use of the hands” (lol). So when a single male approached me, I expected the same until he made oafish advances, in spite of me asking him to slow down. Ugh. I lost patience, put my clothes on and hit the cobblestone road!
Exactly one year has passed since my separation from my husband and the universe has provided me with plenty of sexual healing. So much in fact that I feel over saturated. However upon my return to the USA, I did have the pleasure of having a man give me a tantric yoni massage, which is all about pleasing a woman. (ladies, google it – amazing.) Although it is unfair to generalize, my experience proves a difference in male sexual behavior in the swinger’s scene in France. Vive la difference.